What an incredible week I have had!! The Lord is just so so so faithful. It’s just been so amazing. Praise the Lord! Sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve been able to update… things are crazy busy around here! But, here’s my journey…
MONDAY was a hard day. I was completely exhausted and I just really missed my family. I just really wanted hugs from everyone. That’s one of the things I miss the MOST!!! I cried a lot Monday but in that Jesus just became my strength. In every area He is becoming my all in all. I was discouraged, homesick, lonely, and tired. I just told the Lord I needed more and MORE of Him and I needed HIM to fill those areas!!! I asked Him what He wanted to say to me and He said, “I delight in you. I’m holding you. Remember, I am your Sustainer. I am with you mighty warrior. Lay things at my feet. I love you. I will give you your daily bread. Rest in my peace.” Isn’t He just so sweet??
We had an incredible speaker come in! She seriously BLESSED my week! She is very prophetic and just taught us to practice the prophetic. On Monday we couldn’t leave class until we told at least one person something the Lord said about them. Alex said Esther over me… so I studied Esther on Tuesday. It was really neat because I can totally see how that applied and I will totally take her! Esther was a beautiful girl with a lot of favor on her life. She was bold, obedient, protective, submissive to her husband(the king), caring, and she trusted the Lord. (wow, what a compliment… I’ll take her!) She had to go through a year of “treatments” as she prepared to meet her husband. She was set alone to prepare in every way for really her destiny. She had a big destiny and calling on her life that took preparation for. And for now that’s what I feel like I’m doing. I am all alone with the Lord without any distractions and He is just pouring into my life. I am having wells of revelation and wisdom that will play out for the rest of my life. I feel like this time was set aside just for Jesus and I to grow closer and this time is preparation for the things Jesus has planned for me. After all, Jesus did tell my mom, “Thank you for letting me have your daughter this summer.” Wow!
A highlight of my day was a little village girl that I had held during church Sunday saw me and RAN and JUMPED into my arms! It was the sweetest thing. Thank you Jesus!!
Monday night we had another session with the same lady and she talked about angels. It was so neat because during worship before she spoke I was just feeling angels and kept getting the word angel and I didn’t know why! Ha then when she spoke on it I knew why! Pretty neat. After she spoke she put us in circles and we had to prophecy over 5 people. We couldn’t see who we were about to prophecy over. All we were able to do was turn around, ask Jesus for a word for the person, turn around and give it. A TOTALLY stretching and trusting the Lord exercise! It was so awesome though. And I got prophesied over by 5 people! The Lord gave me back my JOY that night. Oh praise HIM!!
On TUESDAY I can’t remember what happened… hahaha. I obviously didn’t journal that day. Oops. Sorry!
On WEDNESDAY I had a VERY intimate time with the Lord. I WEPT and WEPT on the floor during worship for about an hour. I was SO overwhelmed by Jesus’ LOVE for me… I was completely undone. I’ve never felt Him so intimately. It was AMAZING. He did some major forgiveness and healing in my heart. Now my heart feels completely whole. After I forgave people and asked Him to heal my heart I saw Him sewing my heart back up and putting His hand on it to make it new… intimate, beautiful stuff. And He kept telling me He LOVED me. He just said it over and OVER again. I have confidence because He LOVES me. I never have to compare myself to anyone because He loves ME. I am HIS daughter. I am HIS creation. I am HIS! My identity is in HIM! I felt His loving arms around me. I pictured myself sitting in His lap and letting Him hold me tight! I was at perfect peace there. He just kept saying, “you are mine. I love you. Nothing you can do can take away my love. I love you.”
Wednesday night the speaker we had for the week spoke again. She talked a lot about our future marriages and we just prayed for our future spouses. She declared amazing things over our future marriages. It was so encouraging and just awesome!
On THURSDAY morning we set out for our village. We were supposed to leave at 7 am... but didn’t until 9 am. Oh Africa! I was really nervous and apprehensive. The Lord again had to become everything to me. I just had to lean on Him for strength! It took 6 hours to get there and was just quite interesting. All of the other groups that have gone on outreach were only 5 minutes off “paved” road. Well, we were 2 hours from paved road, 3 hours from phone signal, and just completely out in the middle of NOWHERE. I have NO idea how people find these villages. So we arrived covered in dirt with back and butts sore from the ride! We got there and set up our tents then prayed as a team. Then we showed the Jesus film to the village. During the movie we did intercessory prayer for the people for 2 hours. After the movie we got up, introduced ourselves, and spoke to the people whatever we wanted. Then the pastors got up and preached. Ok, there were over 1000 people there we were told. I got up on the truck and there were people in every direction as far as I could see. They were never ending. It was CRAZY! MANY people got saved that night and wanted prayer. So we were called to go into the crowds and pray for people. So like 40 people are touching you because everyone wants prayer for something and you just have to place your hand on their head and say be healed in Jesus name. I have never had 40 people touching me all wanting prayer. I mean, I was lost in a crowd of over 1000 people! Crazy, but awesome!
After the Jesus film we went back to our “camp”(the pastor’s yard) and had supper. I didn’t eat because I was so extremely exhausted I couldn’t think about food. But, for supper we were having spaghetti and tuna. Yummy! Hahaha. I slept in a tent for the first time all by myself… and I LOVED it. It was my first “private” time in a month. I LOVE sleeping in a tent! I want to go camping when I get home. During the night a pig came into our camp, right by my tent and made noise most of the night. Oh the joys of Africa!
The next morning we got up, had our breakfast roll, and then went to pray door-to-door for people in the village. Here we go…
1. A man found us while we were walking and asked us to come to his house to pray for someone because they were sick but his house was VERY far away so the pastors said we couldn’t go. We told him we’d pray for him and then he can go lay hands on his friend and by faith his friend would be healed. So, he stood in the gap. After we prayed he said he wanted Jesus. It was so awesome to watch his countenance changed COMPLETELY after we prayed for him. Wow, God is so good!
2. Then , his wife came to us and said she had pain in her head(not sure if it was a headache or what). We prayed, she said it went away some. We prayed again and it was completely gone. She was amazed and said she wanted Jesus. Now before this, even after she got healed, she hadn’t smile but when she got saved she couldn’t quit smiling and hugging me. It was precious!
3. Of course as we were praying for people we attracted a crowd. I honestly felt like Jesus… we had a crowd following us wherever we went and we were laying our hands on people and they were getting healed because God was moving through us. So cool. Anyway, this man was watching us while we prayed and I felt like we needed to pray for him. One of his eye lids was shut completely and the other eye he said he couldn’t see unless you held something RIGHT up to his eye. So, we prayed for him and now he sees perfectly out of one eye and in the closed lid eye it started to open! Woo hoo! After that, he wanted Jesus too!
4. We kept walking and found a family who had a very sick daughter. She had a fever and usually that indicates malaria. So we prayed for her and her fever went down dramatically. Then, that whole family got saved! C’mon Jesus!!!
5. We went to another family’s house and their house was full of JOY! We prayed for them and just loved on them. They were great! The grandmother made us some kind of “root” so we had to eat it. It was actually pretty good! It tasted like a potato just starchier.
6. Next, the head pastor and our translator told me I needed to be led by the Spirit about where to stop next. There were some people outside one house and I just knew we were supposed to stop there so we kept going. We came to another house and the pastor and I both felt this was the house. After he talked to the family we found out there was a sick person inside and they wanted us to pray for her. We went inside and I sat on the bed with this woman. She had been laying in bed for a year and couldn’t move. She hadn’t eaten in a very long time because when she did she’d have diarrhea or vomit. And she hadn’t drank anything in days because the same thing happened. Also her skin was ice cold like someone’s is right before they die or when they are dead. She wasn’t moving when we talked to her, she wasn’t moving at all, she wasn’t opening her eyes. Nothing. I tried to feel her heartbeat but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to pronounce her dead because I knew she was going to be healed. We prayed and prayed. She opened her eyes. Prayed more. She starting moving slightly. We prayed more. She started mumbling to us. We prayed more. She SAT UP!! The relative was in there and was AMAZED. But, the woman got weak and went back down. I had a vision of Jesus pouring his love and healing in her and her walking outside by herself. I was like ok Jesus DO THIS because it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen but I have faith! Someone got a word of knowledge that we needed to pray for her blood. We did, she mumbled more. We broke word curses and witchcraft. She mumbled that she wanted Jesus. After she prayed to receive Jesus we prayed for her again. THEN, THEN, THEN she GOT UP!!!!! We helped her out of bed and outside but she didn’t want our help. She started walking ON HER OWN!!! The neighbors and relatives were amazed!!! She hadn’t been outside in a year. She was UP and HEALED!! She starting drinking water and was completely FINE! It was AMAZING!!! So, to me… that was raising the dead because if she wasn’t already dead when we got there she was going to die any minute but JESUS HEALED HER!!! C’mon!! My faith has risen SO much. I am just SO amazed by Jesus!
7. The other group(our group split up into 2 groups) prayed for a woman with leprosy and her skin was healing right before their eyes! WOAH!!!
8. The other group said HELLO to a woman and passed her and she started manifesting demons. Guess that’s how you know you are carrying the Holy Spirit! She didn’t want to be free though… long story that I can’t share online.
It was such an AWESOME time. That afternoon we packed up and went to another village even deeper into the middle of nowhere(an hour further) and showed the Jesus film then prayed over people. I was asked to pray for this one baby whose mom died. This baby was SO skinny because no one was feeding it. It BROKE my heart. Most of these women, because they are malnourished, don’t even produce enough milk for their own babies so no one will volunteer to breastfeed someone else’s baby. So, what hope does this child have? Does the baby just die if it’s mom dies? That’s not fair or right. I didn’t know how to pray for this child. It was so tiny. It was so hungry. All I could pray was Lord PLEASE provide someone to feed this baby. And I believe He will because no baby deserves to have a death sentence because his mom died.
On Saturday we woke up and had church in the village and then packed our stuff up and headed back “home”. Everyone here said we were the dirtiest group that came back. We just had layers of dirt on us. Even though I used wet wipes twice and day it didn’t get the dirt off. I scrubbed and scrubbed in the shower when I got home. It felt WONDERFUL to be CLEAN(well, as clean as I can for Africa!).
Some sidenotes to this weekend were…
1. I had deep fried bread in the village. It was SO good. That will definitely be my treat here now! And they aren’t even 1 cent!
2. The driver would stop for a “potty” break on the way to the village and back… and imagine my face when I see that we are just in an open field, middle of NOWHERE. There is just tall grass. The boys go on one side of the street and we are on the other. Yeah, so you just trample through the grass, find your “hidden” spot, and go. The first time I went I was eaten up by ants. Joy. And the ants here aren’t like the ones at home. When one bites you it STINGS and BURNS. It feels like a scorpion bite. Love it…
3. Our latrine for the weekend was smelly, had flies everywhere but it could’ve been worse.
It was a great weekend. The Lord REALLY stretched me but so incredible. It was so neat to think that if we didn’t go to that village and share the gospel those people might’ve never heard of Jesus and how MUCH He loves them!!! I am so thankful I could’ve been a part of that.
I spoke to 2 of my brothers and my mom Saturday night. Oh how I LOVE hearing their voices and talking to them. They said the conference is awesome!! The Lord is really starting to answer a lot of prayers that I’ve been praying for my family. One of my favorite things to do now is intercede for my family. I love it! Praise the Lord for just how GOOD He is! My family is busy, busy but good! I miss them so much. 6 more weeks(in Jesus name…please still be praying about our flights!!!) and I will be home in their arms!! I have been gone over a month now which is the longest I’ve ever been away from them. After the end of this week I will have made it halfway through. Praise the Lord! Jesus IS my sustainer! My mom said the conference is going great at church!! I can’t wait to hear the sermons when I get home!
SUNDAY- I slept until 630… that’s late for me now.. So insane! I did my laundry then watched it dry. We can’t leave our laundry anymore because a lot of people have gotten their laundry stolen. So, I sat and journaled while I watched my clothes. Then I just spent a lot of time with the Lord. So good!
This week our school started 24/7 prayer so someone is ALWAYS praying or worshipping here this week. SO neat! Tonight we had a corporate worship and the Lord showed me SO much. The Lord is showing me so many amazing, intimate, personal things. ALSO, I GOT TO DANCE(ballet style!!!). I found a little spot… and it was so wonderful. I danced outside under the stars before my King. It was PERFECT.
Also, the night sky here is PERFECT. The stars are PERFECT… there are SO many of them and it is always so clear. And it always feels amazing here at night. Ahh… one of my favorite things.
I wish I could share more but for the time of being on the internet I can’t…
I can’t wait to get home and teach the youth girls again. I feel like the Lord has given me so much teaching material!
I am so thankful that my God never leaves or forsakes me. I am so thankful that I am never really alone because in 2 Timothy 4:17 it says, “But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be proclaimed.” I’m thankful that through HIM I can have inexpressible and glorious JOY(1 peter 1:8). I’m so thankful for the LOVE that He lavishes on me daily(1 John 3:1).
Let me encourage you in this… 1 Corinthians 15:58 says, “Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”
Monday, June 28, 2010
a week in the life of ME!
What an incredible week I have had!! The Lord is just so so so faithful. It’s just been so amazing. Praise the Lord! Sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve been able to update… things are crazy busy around here! But, here’s my journey…
MONDAY was a hard day. I was completely exhausted and I just really missed my family. I just really wanted hugs from everyone. That’s one of the things I miss the MOST!!! I cried a lot Monday but in that Jesus just became my strength. In every area He is becoming my all in all. I was discouraged, homesick, lonely, and tired. I just told the Lord I needed more and MORE of Him and I needed HIM to fill those areas!!! I asked Him what He wanted to say to me and He said, “I delight in you. I’m holding you. Remember, I am your Sustainer. I am with you mighty warrior. Lay things at my feet. I love you. I will give you your daily bread. Rest in my peace.” Isn’t He just so sweet??
We had an incredible speaker come in! She seriously BLESSED my week! She is very prophetic and just taught us to practice the prophetic. On Monday we couldn’t leave class until we told at least one person something the Lord said about them. Alex said Esther over me… so I studied Esther on Tuesday. It was really neat because I can totally see how that applied and I will totally take her! Esther was a beautiful girl with a lot of favor on her life. She was bold, obedient, protective, submissive to her husband(the king), caring, and she trusted the Lord. (wow, what a compliment… I’ll take her!) She had to go through a year of “treatments” as she prepared to meet her husband. She was set alone to prepare in every way for really her destiny. She had a big destiny and calling on her life that took preparation for. And for now that’s what I feel like I’m doing. I am all alone with the Lord without any distractions and He is just pouring into my life. I am having wells of revelation and wisdom that will play out for the rest of my life. I feel like this time was set aside just for Jesus and I to grow closer and this time is preparation for the things Jesus has planned for me. After all, Jesus did tell my mom, “Thank you for letting me have your daughter this summer.” Wow!
A highlight of my day was a little village girl that I had held during church Sunday saw me and RAN and JUMPED into my arms! It was the sweetest thing. Thank you Jesus!!
Monday night we had another session with the same lady and she talked about angels. It was so neat because during worship before she spoke I was just feeling angels and kept getting the word angel and I didn’t know why! Ha then when she spoke on it I knew why! Pretty neat. After she spoke she put us in circles and we had to prophecy over 5 people. We couldn’t see who we were about to prophecy over. All we were able to do was turn around, ask Jesus for a word for the person, turn around and give it. A TOTALLY stretching and trusting the Lord exercise! It was so awesome though. And I got prophesied over by 5 people! The Lord gave me back my JOY that night. Oh praise HIM!!
On TUESDAY I can’t remember what happened… hahaha. I obviously didn’t journal that day. Oops. Sorry!
On WEDNESDAY I had a VERY intimate time with the Lord. I WEPT and WEPT on the floor during worship for about an hour. I was SO overwhelmed by Jesus’ LOVE for me… I was completely undone. I’ve never felt Him so intimately. It was AMAZING. He did some major forgiveness and healing in my heart. Now my heart feels completely whole. After I forgave people and asked Him to heal my heart I saw Him sewing my heart back up and putting His hand on it to make it new… intimate, beautiful stuff. And He kept telling me He LOVED me. He just said it over and OVER again. I have confidence because He LOVES me. I never have to compare myself to anyone because He loves ME. I am HIS daughter. I am HIS creation. I am HIS! My identity is in HIM! I felt His loving arms around me. I pictured myself sitting in His lap and letting Him hold me tight! I was at perfect peace there. He just kept saying, “you are mine. I love you. Nothing you can do can take away my love. I love you.”
Wednesday night the speaker we had for the week spoke again. She talked a lot about our future marriages and we just prayed for our future spouses. She declared amazing things over our future marriages. It was so encouraging and just awesome!
On THURSDAY morning we set out for our village. We were supposed to leave at 7 am... but didn’t until 9 am. Oh Africa! I was really nervous and apprehensive. The Lord again had to become everything to me. I just had to lean on Him for strength! It took 6 hours to get there and was just quite interesting. All of the other groups that have gone on outreach were only 5 minutes off “paved” road. Well, we were 2 hours from paved road, 3 hours from phone signal, and just completely out in the middle of NOWHERE. I have NO idea how people find these villages. So we arrived covered in dirt with back and butts sore from the ride! We got there and set up our tents then prayed as a team. Then we showed the Jesus film to the village. During the movie we did intercessory prayer for the people for 2 hours. After the movie we got up, introduced ourselves, and spoke to the people whatever we wanted. Then the pastors got up and preached. Ok, there were over 1000 people there we were told. I got up on the truck and there were people in every direction as far as I could see. They were never ending. It was CRAZY! MANY people got saved that night and wanted prayer. So we were called to go into the crowds and pray for people. So like 40 people are touching you because everyone wants prayer for something and you just have to place your hand on their head and say be healed in Jesus name. I have never had 40 people touching me all wanting prayer. I mean, I was lost in a crowd of over 1000 people! Crazy, but awesome!
After the Jesus film we went back to our “camp”(the pastor’s yard) and had supper. I didn’t eat because I was so extremely exhausted I couldn’t think about food. But, for supper we were having spaghetti and tuna. Yummy! Hahaha. I slept in a tent for the first time all by myself… and I LOVED it. It was my first “private” time in a month. I LOVE sleeping in a tent! I want to go camping when I get home. During the night a pig came into our camp, right by my tent and made noise most of the night. Oh the joys of Africa!
The next morning we got up, had our breakfast roll, and then went to pray door-to-door for people in the village. Here we go…
1. A man found us while we were walking and asked us to come to his house to pray for someone because they were sick but his house was VERY far away so the pastors said we couldn’t go. We told him we’d pray for him and then he can go lay hands on his friend and by faith his friend would be healed. So, he stood in the gap. After we prayed he said he wanted Jesus. It was so awesome to watch his countenance changed COMPLETELY after we prayed for him. Wow, God is so good!
2. Then , his wife came to us and said she had pain in her head(not sure if it was a headache or what). We prayed, she said it went away some. We prayed again and it was completely gone. She was amazed and said she wanted Jesus. Now before this, even after she got healed, she hadn’t smile but when she got saved she couldn’t quit smiling and hugging me. It was precious!
3. Of course as we were praying for people we attracted a crowd. I honestly felt like Jesus… we had a crowd following us wherever we went and we were laying our hands on people and they were getting healed because God was moving through us. So cool. Anyway, this man was watching us while we prayed and I felt like we needed to pray for him. One of his eye lids was shut completely and the other eye he said he couldn’t see unless you held something RIGHT up to his eye. So, we prayed for him and now he sees perfectly out of one eye and in the closed lid eye it started to open! Woo hoo! After that, he wanted Jesus too!
4. We kept walking and found a family who had a very sick daughter. She had a fever and usually that indicates malaria. So we prayed for her and her fever went down dramatically. Then, that whole family got saved! C’mon Jesus!!!
5. We went to another family’s house and their house was full of JOY! We prayed for them and just loved on them. They were great! The grandmother made us some kind of “root” so we had to eat it. It was actually pretty good! It tasted like a potato just starchier.
6. Next, the head pastor and our translator told me I needed to be led by the Spirit about where to stop next. There were some people outside one house and I just knew we were supposed to stop there so we kept going. We came to another house and the pastor and I both felt this was the house. After he talked to the family we found out there was a sick person inside and they wanted us to pray for her. We went inside and I sat on the bed with this woman. She had been laying in bed for a year and couldn’t move. She hadn’t eaten in a very long time because when she did she’d have diarrhea or vomit. And she hadn’t drank anything in days because the same thing happened. Also her skin was ice cold like someone’s is right before they die or when they are dead. She wasn’t moving when we talked to her, she wasn’t moving at all, she wasn’t opening her eyes. Nothing. I tried to feel her heartbeat but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to pronounce her dead because I knew she was going to be healed. We prayed and prayed. She opened her eyes. Prayed more. She starting moving slightly. We prayed more. She started mumbling to us. We prayed more. She SAT UP!! The relative was in there and was AMAZED. But, the woman got weak and went back down. I had a vision of Jesus pouring his love and healing in her and her walking outside by herself. I was like ok Jesus DO THIS because it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen but I have faith! Someone got a word of knowledge that we needed to pray for her blood. We did, she mumbled more. We broke word curses and witchcraft. She mumbled that she wanted Jesus. After she prayed to receive Jesus we prayed for her again. THEN, THEN, THEN she GOT UP!!!!! We helped her out of bed and outside but she didn’t want our help. She started walking ON HER OWN!!! The neighbors and relatives were amazed!!! She hadn’t been outside in a year. She was UP and HEALED!! She starting drinking water and was completely FINE! It was AMAZING!!! So, to me… that was raising the dead because if she wasn’t already dead when we got there she was going to die any minute but JESUS HEALED HER!!! C’mon!! My faith has risen SO much. I am just SO amazed by Jesus!
7. The other group(our group split up into 2 groups) prayed for a woman with leprosy and her skin was healing right before their eyes! WOAH!!!
8. The other group said HELLO to a woman and passed her and she started manifesting demons. Guess that’s how you know you are carrying the Holy Spirit! She didn’t want to be free though… long story that I can’t share online.
It was such an AWESOME time. That afternoon we packed up and went to another village even deeper into the middle of nowhere(an hour further) and showed the Jesus film then prayed over people. I was asked to pray for this one baby whose mom died. This baby was SO skinny because no one was feeding it. It BROKE my heart. Most of these women, because they are malnourished, don’t even produce enough milk for their own babies so no one will volunteer to breastfeed someone else’s baby. So, what hope does this child have? Does the baby just die if it’s mom dies? That’s not fair or right. I didn’t know how to pray for this child. It was so tiny. It was so hungry. All I could pray was Lord PLEASE provide someone to feed this baby. And I believe He will because no baby deserves to have a death sentence because his mom died.
On Saturday we woke up and had church in the village and then packed our stuff up and headed back “home”. Everyone here said we were the dirtiest group that came back. We just had layers of dirt on us. Even though I used wet wipes twice and day it didn’t get the dirt off. I scrubbed and scrubbed in the shower when I got home. It felt WONDERFUL to be CLEAN(well, as clean as I can for Africa!).
Some sidenotes to this weekend were…
1. I had deep fried bread in the village. It was SO good. That will definitely be my treat here now! And they aren’t even 1 cent!
2. The driver would stop for a “potty” break on the way to the village and back… and imagine my face when I see that we are just in an open field, middle of NOWHERE. There is just tall grass. The boys go on one side of the street and we are on the other. Yeah, so you just trample through the grass, find your “hidden” spot, and go. The first time I went I was eaten up by ants. Joy. And the ants here aren’t like the ones at home. When one bites you it STINGS and BURNS. It feels like a scorpion bite. Love it…
3. Our latrine for the weekend was smelly, had flies everywhere but it could’ve been worse.
It was a great weekend. The Lord REALLY stretched me but so incredible. It was so neat to think that if we didn’t go to that village and share the gospel those people might’ve never heard of Jesus and how MUCH He loves them!!! I am so thankful I could’ve been a part of that.
I spoke to 2 of my brothers and my mom Saturday night. Oh how I LOVE hearing their voices and talking to them. They said the conference is awesome!! The Lord is really starting to answer a lot of prayers that I’ve been praying for my family. One of my favorite things to do now is intercede for my family. I love it! Praise the Lord for just how GOOD He is! My family is busy, busy but good! I miss them so much. 6 more weeks(in Jesus name…please still be praying about our flights!!!) and I will be home in their arms!! I have been gone over a month now which is the longest I’ve ever been away from them. After the end of this week I will have made it halfway through. Praise the Lord! Jesus IS my sustainer! My mom said the conference is going great at church!! I can’t wait to hear the sermons when I get home!
SUNDAY- I slept until 630… that’s late for me now.. So insane! I did my laundry then watched it dry. We can’t leave our laundry anymore because a lot of people have gotten their laundry stolen. So, I sat and journaled while I watched my clothes. Then I just spent a lot of time with the Lord. So good!
This week our school started 24/7 prayer so someone is ALWAYS praying or worshipping here this week. SO neat! Tonight we had a corporate worship and the Lord showed me SO much. The Lord is showing me so many amazing, intimate, personal things. ALSO, I GOT TO DANCE(ballet style!!!). I found a little spot… and it was so wonderful. I danced outside under the stars before my King. It was PERFECT.
Also, the night sky here is PERFECT. The stars are PERFECT… there are SO many of them and it is always so clear. And it always feels amazing here at night. Ahh… one of my favorite things.
I wish I could share more but for the time of being on the internet I can’t…
I can’t wait to get home and teach the youth girls again. I feel like the Lord has given me so much teaching material!
I am so thankful that my God never leaves or forsakes me. I am so thankful that I am never really alone because in 2 Timothy 4:17 it says, “But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be proclaimed.” I’m thankful that through HIM I can have inexpressible and glorious JOY(1 peter 1:8). I’m so thankful for the LOVE that He lavishes on me daily(1 John 3:1).
Let me encourage you in this… 1 Corinthians 15:58 says, “Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”
MONDAY was a hard day. I was completely exhausted and I just really missed my family. I just really wanted hugs from everyone. That’s one of the things I miss the MOST!!! I cried a lot Monday but in that Jesus just became my strength. In every area He is becoming my all in all. I was discouraged, homesick, lonely, and tired. I just told the Lord I needed more and MORE of Him and I needed HIM to fill those areas!!! I asked Him what He wanted to say to me and He said, “I delight in you. I’m holding you. Remember, I am your Sustainer. I am with you mighty warrior. Lay things at my feet. I love you. I will give you your daily bread. Rest in my peace.” Isn’t He just so sweet??
We had an incredible speaker come in! She seriously BLESSED my week! She is very prophetic and just taught us to practice the prophetic. On Monday we couldn’t leave class until we told at least one person something the Lord said about them. Alex said Esther over me… so I studied Esther on Tuesday. It was really neat because I can totally see how that applied and I will totally take her! Esther was a beautiful girl with a lot of favor on her life. She was bold, obedient, protective, submissive to her husband(the king), caring, and she trusted the Lord. (wow, what a compliment… I’ll take her!) She had to go through a year of “treatments” as she prepared to meet her husband. She was set alone to prepare in every way for really her destiny. She had a big destiny and calling on her life that took preparation for. And for now that’s what I feel like I’m doing. I am all alone with the Lord without any distractions and He is just pouring into my life. I am having wells of revelation and wisdom that will play out for the rest of my life. I feel like this time was set aside just for Jesus and I to grow closer and this time is preparation for the things Jesus has planned for me. After all, Jesus did tell my mom, “Thank you for letting me have your daughter this summer.” Wow!
A highlight of my day was a little village girl that I had held during church Sunday saw me and RAN and JUMPED into my arms! It was the sweetest thing. Thank you Jesus!!
Monday night we had another session with the same lady and she talked about angels. It was so neat because during worship before she spoke I was just feeling angels and kept getting the word angel and I didn’t know why! Ha then when she spoke on it I knew why! Pretty neat. After she spoke she put us in circles and we had to prophecy over 5 people. We couldn’t see who we were about to prophecy over. All we were able to do was turn around, ask Jesus for a word for the person, turn around and give it. A TOTALLY stretching and trusting the Lord exercise! It was so awesome though. And I got prophesied over by 5 people! The Lord gave me back my JOY that night. Oh praise HIM!!
On TUESDAY I can’t remember what happened… hahaha. I obviously didn’t journal that day. Oops. Sorry!
On WEDNESDAY I had a VERY intimate time with the Lord. I WEPT and WEPT on the floor during worship for about an hour. I was SO overwhelmed by Jesus’ LOVE for me… I was completely undone. I’ve never felt Him so intimately. It was AMAZING. He did some major forgiveness and healing in my heart. Now my heart feels completely whole. After I forgave people and asked Him to heal my heart I saw Him sewing my heart back up and putting His hand on it to make it new… intimate, beautiful stuff. And He kept telling me He LOVED me. He just said it over and OVER again. I have confidence because He LOVES me. I never have to compare myself to anyone because He loves ME. I am HIS daughter. I am HIS creation. I am HIS! My identity is in HIM! I felt His loving arms around me. I pictured myself sitting in His lap and letting Him hold me tight! I was at perfect peace there. He just kept saying, “you are mine. I love you. Nothing you can do can take away my love. I love you.”
Wednesday night the speaker we had for the week spoke again. She talked a lot about our future marriages and we just prayed for our future spouses. She declared amazing things over our future marriages. It was so encouraging and just awesome!
On THURSDAY morning we set out for our village. We were supposed to leave at 7 am... but didn’t until 9 am. Oh Africa! I was really nervous and apprehensive. The Lord again had to become everything to me. I just had to lean on Him for strength! It took 6 hours to get there and was just quite interesting. All of the other groups that have gone on outreach were only 5 minutes off “paved” road. Well, we were 2 hours from paved road, 3 hours from phone signal, and just completely out in the middle of NOWHERE. I have NO idea how people find these villages. So we arrived covered in dirt with back and butts sore from the ride! We got there and set up our tents then prayed as a team. Then we showed the Jesus film to the village. During the movie we did intercessory prayer for the people for 2 hours. After the movie we got up, introduced ourselves, and spoke to the people whatever we wanted. Then the pastors got up and preached. Ok, there were over 1000 people there we were told. I got up on the truck and there were people in every direction as far as I could see. They were never ending. It was CRAZY! MANY people got saved that night and wanted prayer. So we were called to go into the crowds and pray for people. So like 40 people are touching you because everyone wants prayer for something and you just have to place your hand on their head and say be healed in Jesus name. I have never had 40 people touching me all wanting prayer. I mean, I was lost in a crowd of over 1000 people! Crazy, but awesome!
After the Jesus film we went back to our “camp”(the pastor’s yard) and had supper. I didn’t eat because I was so extremely exhausted I couldn’t think about food. But, for supper we were having spaghetti and tuna. Yummy! Hahaha. I slept in a tent for the first time all by myself… and I LOVED it. It was my first “private” time in a month. I LOVE sleeping in a tent! I want to go camping when I get home. During the night a pig came into our camp, right by my tent and made noise most of the night. Oh the joys of Africa!
The next morning we got up, had our breakfast roll, and then went to pray door-to-door for people in the village. Here we go…
1. A man found us while we were walking and asked us to come to his house to pray for someone because they were sick but his house was VERY far away so the pastors said we couldn’t go. We told him we’d pray for him and then he can go lay hands on his friend and by faith his friend would be healed. So, he stood in the gap. After we prayed he said he wanted Jesus. It was so awesome to watch his countenance changed COMPLETELY after we prayed for him. Wow, God is so good!
2. Then , his wife came to us and said she had pain in her head(not sure if it was a headache or what). We prayed, she said it went away some. We prayed again and it was completely gone. She was amazed and said she wanted Jesus. Now before this, even after she got healed, she hadn’t smile but when she got saved she couldn’t quit smiling and hugging me. It was precious!
3. Of course as we were praying for people we attracted a crowd. I honestly felt like Jesus… we had a crowd following us wherever we went and we were laying our hands on people and they were getting healed because God was moving through us. So cool. Anyway, this man was watching us while we prayed and I felt like we needed to pray for him. One of his eye lids was shut completely and the other eye he said he couldn’t see unless you held something RIGHT up to his eye. So, we prayed for him and now he sees perfectly out of one eye and in the closed lid eye it started to open! Woo hoo! After that, he wanted Jesus too!
4. We kept walking and found a family who had a very sick daughter. She had a fever and usually that indicates malaria. So we prayed for her and her fever went down dramatically. Then, that whole family got saved! C’mon Jesus!!!
5. We went to another family’s house and their house was full of JOY! We prayed for them and just loved on them. They were great! The grandmother made us some kind of “root” so we had to eat it. It was actually pretty good! It tasted like a potato just starchier.
6. Next, the head pastor and our translator told me I needed to be led by the Spirit about where to stop next. There were some people outside one house and I just knew we were supposed to stop there so we kept going. We came to another house and the pastor and I both felt this was the house. After he talked to the family we found out there was a sick person inside and they wanted us to pray for her. We went inside and I sat on the bed with this woman. She had been laying in bed for a year and couldn’t move. She hadn’t eaten in a very long time because when she did she’d have diarrhea or vomit. And she hadn’t drank anything in days because the same thing happened. Also her skin was ice cold like someone’s is right before they die or when they are dead. She wasn’t moving when we talked to her, she wasn’t moving at all, she wasn’t opening her eyes. Nothing. I tried to feel her heartbeat but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to pronounce her dead because I knew she was going to be healed. We prayed and prayed. She opened her eyes. Prayed more. She starting moving slightly. We prayed more. She started mumbling to us. We prayed more. She SAT UP!! The relative was in there and was AMAZED. But, the woman got weak and went back down. I had a vision of Jesus pouring his love and healing in her and her walking outside by herself. I was like ok Jesus DO THIS because it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen but I have faith! Someone got a word of knowledge that we needed to pray for her blood. We did, she mumbled more. We broke word curses and witchcraft. She mumbled that she wanted Jesus. After she prayed to receive Jesus we prayed for her again. THEN, THEN, THEN she GOT UP!!!!! We helped her out of bed and outside but she didn’t want our help. She started walking ON HER OWN!!! The neighbors and relatives were amazed!!! She hadn’t been outside in a year. She was UP and HEALED!! She starting drinking water and was completely FINE! It was AMAZING!!! So, to me… that was raising the dead because if she wasn’t already dead when we got there she was going to die any minute but JESUS HEALED HER!!! C’mon!! My faith has risen SO much. I am just SO amazed by Jesus!
7. The other group(our group split up into 2 groups) prayed for a woman with leprosy and her skin was healing right before their eyes! WOAH!!!
8. The other group said HELLO to a woman and passed her and she started manifesting demons. Guess that’s how you know you are carrying the Holy Spirit! She didn’t want to be free though… long story that I can’t share online.
It was such an AWESOME time. That afternoon we packed up and went to another village even deeper into the middle of nowhere(an hour further) and showed the Jesus film then prayed over people. I was asked to pray for this one baby whose mom died. This baby was SO skinny because no one was feeding it. It BROKE my heart. Most of these women, because they are malnourished, don’t even produce enough milk for their own babies so no one will volunteer to breastfeed someone else’s baby. So, what hope does this child have? Does the baby just die if it’s mom dies? That’s not fair or right. I didn’t know how to pray for this child. It was so tiny. It was so hungry. All I could pray was Lord PLEASE provide someone to feed this baby. And I believe He will because no baby deserves to have a death sentence because his mom died.
On Saturday we woke up and had church in the village and then packed our stuff up and headed back “home”. Everyone here said we were the dirtiest group that came back. We just had layers of dirt on us. Even though I used wet wipes twice and day it didn’t get the dirt off. I scrubbed and scrubbed in the shower when I got home. It felt WONDERFUL to be CLEAN(well, as clean as I can for Africa!).
Some sidenotes to this weekend were…
1. I had deep fried bread in the village. It was SO good. That will definitely be my treat here now! And they aren’t even 1 cent!
2. The driver would stop for a “potty” break on the way to the village and back… and imagine my face when I see that we are just in an open field, middle of NOWHERE. There is just tall grass. The boys go on one side of the street and we are on the other. Yeah, so you just trample through the grass, find your “hidden” spot, and go. The first time I went I was eaten up by ants. Joy. And the ants here aren’t like the ones at home. When one bites you it STINGS and BURNS. It feels like a scorpion bite. Love it…
3. Our latrine for the weekend was smelly, had flies everywhere but it could’ve been worse.
It was a great weekend. The Lord REALLY stretched me but so incredible. It was so neat to think that if we didn’t go to that village and share the gospel those people might’ve never heard of Jesus and how MUCH He loves them!!! I am so thankful I could’ve been a part of that.
I spoke to 2 of my brothers and my mom Saturday night. Oh how I LOVE hearing their voices and talking to them. They said the conference is awesome!! The Lord is really starting to answer a lot of prayers that I’ve been praying for my family. One of my favorite things to do now is intercede for my family. I love it! Praise the Lord for just how GOOD He is! My family is busy, busy but good! I miss them so much. 6 more weeks(in Jesus name…please still be praying about our flights!!!) and I will be home in their arms!! I have been gone over a month now which is the longest I’ve ever been away from them. After the end of this week I will have made it halfway through. Praise the Lord! Jesus IS my sustainer! My mom said the conference is going great at church!! I can’t wait to hear the sermons when I get home!
SUNDAY- I slept until 630… that’s late for me now.. So insane! I did my laundry then watched it dry. We can’t leave our laundry anymore because a lot of people have gotten their laundry stolen. So, I sat and journaled while I watched my clothes. Then I just spent a lot of time with the Lord. So good!
This week our school started 24/7 prayer so someone is ALWAYS praying or worshipping here this week. SO neat! Tonight we had a corporate worship and the Lord showed me SO much. The Lord is showing me so many amazing, intimate, personal things. ALSO, I GOT TO DANCE(ballet style!!!). I found a little spot… and it was so wonderful. I danced outside under the stars before my King. It was PERFECT.
Also, the night sky here is PERFECT. The stars are PERFECT… there are SO many of them and it is always so clear. And it always feels amazing here at night. Ahh… one of my favorite things.
I wish I could share more but for the time of being on the internet I can’t…
I can’t wait to get home and teach the youth girls again. I feel like the Lord has given me so much teaching material!
I am so thankful that my God never leaves or forsakes me. I am so thankful that I am never really alone because in 2 Timothy 4:17 it says, “But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be proclaimed.” I’m thankful that through HIM I can have inexpressible and glorious JOY(1 peter 1:8). I’m so thankful for the LOVE that He lavishes on me daily(1 John 3:1).
Let me encourage you in this… 1 Corinthians 15:58 says, “Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”
Monday, June 21, 2010
the week...
Well, it’s time to write another blog. Sorry I haven’t written this last week. The internet was down… such a bummer. I will never take wifi for granted in the US again. I miss being able to get on whenever I wanted and not having to wait a week before I write again.
So many things are happening and sadly I can’t share a lot of them online. Please be praying for me. I am frustrated with a few things and it’s definitely not just me. I really have to rely on the Lord for HIS strength, His love, mercy, and grace. I am perfectly safe… don’t worry. Just be praying the Lord would shower down on me and that He would give me His heart for the people here.
Also, please pray that we would get our plane tickets. We were told we had them and now for some reason we don’t. Alex and I really need and want to leave here on August 7th so please be praying the Lord would open up 2 tickets on each plane and we get them. We believe for them! We are claiming it all the time. One more area God is teaching us to trust Him…
This week has been incredible with our speaker Jackie Pullinger. I can’t wait to come home and share her teachings with everyone. She rocked our world. She just teaches straight out of the Word. She is BOLD and VERY authoritative. She taught us about spiritual gifts and how to break curses off our life. Curses that were placed on our life that I had no idea everyone has. That was neat. She taught us about how our identity is in the LORD and not in a man/or woman. She taught us about how our protection is in the LORD not in man. She taught us about surrender.
We have some amazing speakers this summer! We are so extremely BLESSED! So far, Heidi, Rolland, Will Hart, Jackie Pullinger, a missionary from Ukraine and England, and Stacy Campbell! So many more amazing ones are to come!
One of the students got to go to the jail Friday and he prayed for 2 men who were deaf in one ear and now they are HEALED!!! They can hear out of BOTH of their ears!!! Praise the LORD!!! Yippee!!! I love hearing and seeing miraculous healing miracles.
I am going on outreach this weekend to a village 5-7 hours away. I am hoping this village has never heard the gospel so that we can be the first ones to share it! I am believing and declaring that we will see God do MIRACULOUS miracles. I declare we WILL see blind eyes SEE, deaf ears OPEN, and dead men/babies/women to be RAISED. I believe for it. I claim it. It was prophesied over me that I’d pray for the dead and they would be raised. And it turns out that 2 more people in my group have had that prophesied over them too. So, let’s go!!! C’mon JESUS!!! Please stand with us! Satan has thrown enough crap my way this week that I am just believing that God is about to do something AMAZING! I am praying and believing for so much breakthrough!
The Lord is doing so much in my life. He is just calling me to lay down so much. And He promised there would be JOY in the laying down and there truly is. He is my portion. His plans are prosperous for me. He is more than enough. So, why not just be a laid down lover of Him? Why not let Him lead me? Why not let Him be the leader every moment of my life? Why not? It’s so simple.. Jesus asked me the other day if I would dance with Him wherever He wanted to lead me. Then Heidi spoke on that. Haha how amazing!
“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
Through a friend Jesus wrote me this love letter…
“Daughter, Just let me lead. Let me show you all the steps to this dance. Just watch my feet and go where I go, step where I step. There are new moves that I want to show you that you have never done before. Trust me. Take my hand. Step out and trust me. I’m a good dancer. You are my partner. My child, do not be afraid! Keep your eyes on me and you will never take the wrong step. My love will carry you. Let my love sweep you away, let my love sweep you off your feet. One rhythm, one movement. We are one. Let this reality of our oneness penetrate deep inside your heart. Let this reality be always on your mind. I in you and you in me. My love. My desire. You have truly ravished my heart. Let y light shine through you. Nations will be drawn to this light. Be my light. My light, my goodness draws all men. Shine brightly so that all can see. I don’t want to any left out. Radiate me so that the lost and broken know that they are loved. Show them who I am. Be love. Be yourself covered by all that I am. Wear my presence like a cloak. Freedom looks good on you my beloved.”
Heidi prayed over me… “He will empower you as a lover. He is going to empower you for the dance. Shaka. The shoes that you need to dance the dance. He is going to give you the anointing you need, the passion you need.”
That’s all I could hear… the rest didn’t get recorded. But it was all about dancing for Him. It was pretty amazing. I was blown away. She has never seen me dance nor does she know I am one!
Tuesday 10 other people and I got to sit down with Rolland and just talk. He wanted to get to know us and we could ask him whatever we wanted. Then he asked us something that really made me think. He is full of wisdom. He said, “What would you die for?” You can only die once so what would it be for. He also said, “before you go on the mission field you need to get to the point where you can say, ‘this is what I’m giving my life for…’”. “You have to be willing to give your life for it. When you leave, there should be no turning back.” –Rolland said.
Jesus is truly the lover of my soul. “I am my beloveds and He is MINE!!” Song of Solomon 2:16. I am so overwhelmed by His love for me. I am so completely in love with Him. I can’t even express how amazing He is. He is truly romancing me!
Saturday I just laid out on the beach… ahhhmazing! Heidi told us to take the day off Saturday and just do nothing. After spending 3 hours with the Lord in the morning I went to hang out at the beach for awhile! I have quite a few funny tan lines… oh I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get home! Then we just hung out the rest of the day. 6 of us piled onto Alex’s bed(and our beds are TINY hahaha) Saturday night and watched Ice Age 3. It was so much fun!
Sunday and Thursday are my shower days! I thoroughly look forward to those! Love being clean! Some of these sweet students here have just been telling me that I am a beautiful missionary… even though I am so nasty. How sweet!
Alex, Catherine, and I met these new visitors(we get new ones every 2-3 weeks). They are all big tough guys. I say that because they couldn’t believe that we were here for 3 months. They couldn’t believe that we were girls who sleep in tents in a remote village without being scared, take showers twice a week, etc. etc. They were amazed at how “tough” we were. It cracked us up! Living in Africa does make you tough. I just never thought 3 tough big guys would be so proud of us. It was encouraging.
This morning at church was so special. Heidi’s daughter is here so she translated the service into English. Heidi spoke on John 4- the woman at the well. If you aren’t familiar with the story, the woman has had five husbands and was then living with someone who wasn’t her husband. Heidi went into detail about some of the reasons that the husbands might have kept leaving this woman in the bible. Then Heidi asked the African women to raise their hand if any of their husbands had left them. Probably 95 % raised their hand. My heart broke. In this culture it is very common for the husbands to leave their wives. They will leave them if the women can’t have kids, didn’t have a boy, or they’ll find a younger, better-looking wife, etc. etc. My heart was crushed. The pain these women endure on a regular basis. There is NO one to take care of them. They have tons of children and yet no one to love on them, help them, or care for them. Heidi asked us women to go pray for them. (THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART!!!) We get to love on and pray for these women every Sunday and Monday and it’s one of the joys of my week. I crammed in beside these two women with one baby in my lap and I just prayed for these women. I LOVE praying for them. Then, they prayed for me…. Really? Oh my Jesus. Well, after I prayed for one woman she went up and told Heidi she wanted to be SAVED!!!!! She gave her life over to JESUS today!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!
We also got a new little baby last week so he is getting extra care and love from me! He is so precious!
We washed our clothes again today.
Talked to my little brother and parents today(Sunday). Oh how I miss them! I cried the whole time I was on the phone with them. I have almost been gone a month…. I just miss them so much. I miss seeing them every day. I miss their hugs. I miss being able to sit down with my mom and talk to her for HOURS about every little thing. I so miss her. Today(Sunday) is Father’s Day and it hurts my heart that I can’t be with my dad to celebrate it. Oh how I wish I could just give him a big hug! It was so good to hear my little brother’s voice and him make me laugh. I miss that boy SO much!!!
God is so good. He fills me up when I am weak and broken. He holds my heart. He loves on me! I am so thankful that I serve a sweet, sweet Savior! May all of you have a blessed week! Will update you next Monday, hopefully!
“I thank my God every time I think of you.” Philippians 1:3
So many things are happening and sadly I can’t share a lot of them online. Please be praying for me. I am frustrated with a few things and it’s definitely not just me. I really have to rely on the Lord for HIS strength, His love, mercy, and grace. I am perfectly safe… don’t worry. Just be praying the Lord would shower down on me and that He would give me His heart for the people here.
Also, please pray that we would get our plane tickets. We were told we had them and now for some reason we don’t. Alex and I really need and want to leave here on August 7th so please be praying the Lord would open up 2 tickets on each plane and we get them. We believe for them! We are claiming it all the time. One more area God is teaching us to trust Him…
This week has been incredible with our speaker Jackie Pullinger. I can’t wait to come home and share her teachings with everyone. She rocked our world. She just teaches straight out of the Word. She is BOLD and VERY authoritative. She taught us about spiritual gifts and how to break curses off our life. Curses that were placed on our life that I had no idea everyone has. That was neat. She taught us about how our identity is in the LORD and not in a man/or woman. She taught us about how our protection is in the LORD not in man. She taught us about surrender.
We have some amazing speakers this summer! We are so extremely BLESSED! So far, Heidi, Rolland, Will Hart, Jackie Pullinger, a missionary from Ukraine and England, and Stacy Campbell! So many more amazing ones are to come!
One of the students got to go to the jail Friday and he prayed for 2 men who were deaf in one ear and now they are HEALED!!! They can hear out of BOTH of their ears!!! Praise the LORD!!! Yippee!!! I love hearing and seeing miraculous healing miracles.
I am going on outreach this weekend to a village 5-7 hours away. I am hoping this village has never heard the gospel so that we can be the first ones to share it! I am believing and declaring that we will see God do MIRACULOUS miracles. I declare we WILL see blind eyes SEE, deaf ears OPEN, and dead men/babies/women to be RAISED. I believe for it. I claim it. It was prophesied over me that I’d pray for the dead and they would be raised. And it turns out that 2 more people in my group have had that prophesied over them too. So, let’s go!!! C’mon JESUS!!! Please stand with us! Satan has thrown enough crap my way this week that I am just believing that God is about to do something AMAZING! I am praying and believing for so much breakthrough!
The Lord is doing so much in my life. He is just calling me to lay down so much. And He promised there would be JOY in the laying down and there truly is. He is my portion. His plans are prosperous for me. He is more than enough. So, why not just be a laid down lover of Him? Why not let Him lead me? Why not let Him be the leader every moment of my life? Why not? It’s so simple.. Jesus asked me the other day if I would dance with Him wherever He wanted to lead me. Then Heidi spoke on that. Haha how amazing!
“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
Through a friend Jesus wrote me this love letter…
“Daughter, Just let me lead. Let me show you all the steps to this dance. Just watch my feet and go where I go, step where I step. There are new moves that I want to show you that you have never done before. Trust me. Take my hand. Step out and trust me. I’m a good dancer. You are my partner. My child, do not be afraid! Keep your eyes on me and you will never take the wrong step. My love will carry you. Let my love sweep you away, let my love sweep you off your feet. One rhythm, one movement. We are one. Let this reality of our oneness penetrate deep inside your heart. Let this reality be always on your mind. I in you and you in me. My love. My desire. You have truly ravished my heart. Let y light shine through you. Nations will be drawn to this light. Be my light. My light, my goodness draws all men. Shine brightly so that all can see. I don’t want to any left out. Radiate me so that the lost and broken know that they are loved. Show them who I am. Be love. Be yourself covered by all that I am. Wear my presence like a cloak. Freedom looks good on you my beloved.”
Heidi prayed over me… “He will empower you as a lover. He is going to empower you for the dance. Shaka. The shoes that you need to dance the dance. He is going to give you the anointing you need, the passion you need.”
That’s all I could hear… the rest didn’t get recorded. But it was all about dancing for Him. It was pretty amazing. I was blown away. She has never seen me dance nor does she know I am one!
Tuesday 10 other people and I got to sit down with Rolland and just talk. He wanted to get to know us and we could ask him whatever we wanted. Then he asked us something that really made me think. He is full of wisdom. He said, “What would you die for?” You can only die once so what would it be for. He also said, “before you go on the mission field you need to get to the point where you can say, ‘this is what I’m giving my life for…’”. “You have to be willing to give your life for it. When you leave, there should be no turning back.” –Rolland said.
Jesus is truly the lover of my soul. “I am my beloveds and He is MINE!!” Song of Solomon 2:16. I am so overwhelmed by His love for me. I am so completely in love with Him. I can’t even express how amazing He is. He is truly romancing me!
Saturday I just laid out on the beach… ahhhmazing! Heidi told us to take the day off Saturday and just do nothing. After spending 3 hours with the Lord in the morning I went to hang out at the beach for awhile! I have quite a few funny tan lines… oh I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get home! Then we just hung out the rest of the day. 6 of us piled onto Alex’s bed(and our beds are TINY hahaha) Saturday night and watched Ice Age 3. It was so much fun!
Sunday and Thursday are my shower days! I thoroughly look forward to those! Love being clean! Some of these sweet students here have just been telling me that I am a beautiful missionary… even though I am so nasty. How sweet!
Alex, Catherine, and I met these new visitors(we get new ones every 2-3 weeks). They are all big tough guys. I say that because they couldn’t believe that we were here for 3 months. They couldn’t believe that we were girls who sleep in tents in a remote village without being scared, take showers twice a week, etc. etc. They were amazed at how “tough” we were. It cracked us up! Living in Africa does make you tough. I just never thought 3 tough big guys would be so proud of us. It was encouraging.
This morning at church was so special. Heidi’s daughter is here so she translated the service into English. Heidi spoke on John 4- the woman at the well. If you aren’t familiar with the story, the woman has had five husbands and was then living with someone who wasn’t her husband. Heidi went into detail about some of the reasons that the husbands might have kept leaving this woman in the bible. Then Heidi asked the African women to raise their hand if any of their husbands had left them. Probably 95 % raised their hand. My heart broke. In this culture it is very common for the husbands to leave their wives. They will leave them if the women can’t have kids, didn’t have a boy, or they’ll find a younger, better-looking wife, etc. etc. My heart was crushed. The pain these women endure on a regular basis. There is NO one to take care of them. They have tons of children and yet no one to love on them, help them, or care for them. Heidi asked us women to go pray for them. (THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART!!!) We get to love on and pray for these women every Sunday and Monday and it’s one of the joys of my week. I crammed in beside these two women with one baby in my lap and I just prayed for these women. I LOVE praying for them. Then, they prayed for me…. Really? Oh my Jesus. Well, after I prayed for one woman she went up and told Heidi she wanted to be SAVED!!!!! She gave her life over to JESUS today!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!
We also got a new little baby last week so he is getting extra care and love from me! He is so precious!
We washed our clothes again today.
Talked to my little brother and parents today(Sunday). Oh how I miss them! I cried the whole time I was on the phone with them. I have almost been gone a month…. I just miss them so much. I miss seeing them every day. I miss their hugs. I miss being able to sit down with my mom and talk to her for HOURS about every little thing. I so miss her. Today(Sunday) is Father’s Day and it hurts my heart that I can’t be with my dad to celebrate it. Oh how I wish I could just give him a big hug! It was so good to hear my little brother’s voice and him make me laugh. I miss that boy SO much!!!
God is so good. He fills me up when I am weak and broken. He holds my heart. He loves on me! I am so thankful that I serve a sweet, sweet Savior! May all of you have a blessed week! Will update you next Monday, hopefully!
“I thank my God every time I think of you.” Philippians 1:3
Sunday, June 13, 2010
the weekend...
My sweet family and friends,
Oh how I miss each and every one of you! I keep hearing that everyone is reading my blog… people I don’t even know! Oh what a blessing. Thank you so much for your prayers and support and taking time to read this blog. It means so much to me!
What’s all going on in Africa?? Let’s see….
1. I found a cockroach in my shower Friday. So, I killed it! It’s Africa… there are bugs everywhere. It doesn’t faze me anymore.
2. There has been a frog in our toilet.
3. I REALLY hope I remember how to drive when I come home. We were driving in a taxi earlier and the taxi driver switched to the other side of the road(which is the side we drive on in the US) to pass someone else and it felt WEIRD to be the RIGHT side of the road. Haha…
4. It’s currently Saturday afternoon and I haven’t showered since Tuesday… yeah. I mean I’ve washed my feet and face every day but haven’t washed my hair or really showered. Learning to die to self everyday… But there really is like no point because as soon as you get out you sweat and get dirt on you so you’re dirty again! BUT, GOOD NEWS!!! I get to take a shower TOMORROW!!! So, I’ll be clean for church!! I can’t wait!!! Even though it’s COLD, it’ll feel so good. I’m used to cold showers now. They don’t bother me at all!
5. Thursday we had a question and answer session with Heidi. She just sat with us and laughed and cried. She told us we could ask her any question we wanted to know. So, we asked tons. She is so “down to earth”. She has been absolutely precious and just such an awesome woman. She was so real to us. Sarcastic. Funny! And just loving and caring. She really blessed me.
6. Currently she is teaching us twice a week and speaking to us about the spirit of Adoption from Ephesians 2. No one can minister out of an orphan spirit. We are ALL the Lord’s children. HE is our Daddy. We are HIS! Once that seals on us we have a whole new perspective. It’s pretty amazing.
7. A missionary from the Ukraine spoke to us about the 7 separations that Abraham had to go through. One of them being with Issac. Abraham was asked to lay HIS SON on the altar and kill him. He didn’t know God would provide another sacrifice. And after God asked him, he went early the next morning. He didn’t wait and “fast and pray” to make sure he heard God correctly. No, he did it as soon as possible. That’s obedience. Obedience that is better than sacrifice. So, the Lord has been showing me things I need to lay on the altar. Things I need to give Him that maybe he’ll bring them back, maybe He won’t. But in order to become like Him, I must become like Him and He let His one and ONLY Son die in MY place. How worthy is He of my life? This summer will be a process of putting things on the altar. It’s hard. The things He’s asking for aren’t just “tv” and EASY things. They’re HARD. Should I dare ask you this question… What is your Issac? Ask Jesus…. He’ll tell you! Will you be obedient and give it up?
8. Saturday I played with the little kids on base. We’re not allowed to call them orphans… because they’re not. Heidi Baker is their mom (they call her mama aida) and God is their father! Anyway, I went to play with them today. Oh the joy of my heart! They all wanted love and attention. I took lots of pictures… hopefully I can update them to facebook soon! This way each of you will get to see what I look like with no makeup and no shower for oh 5 days. Aren’t you special?? Haha! I had so much fun with them today!
9. One of my friends here had a guy fall on her when he got slain in the spirit and her neck popped, she slipped a disc, and she was in MASSIVE pain… well, me and another girl prayed for her and she got healed!!! I haven’t seen any people raised from the dead, blind eyes or deaf ears opened… YET! It’s coming! I believe! But other healings have happened. A man who couldn’t walk can now walk!
10. I cook for myself every day. I can’t handle the rice and beans or rice and whatever else anymore. The rice and beans are good but just not good for you twice a day. I watched someone scale the fish and slice it up yesterday but I haven’t learned yet!
11. On Friday afternoons I am helping the eye doctor go around to each kid on the base and check their eye sight to see if they need glasses. It’s been a joy! On Friday mornings I can spend 3 hours with the Lord(which I did yesterday and it was AMAZING!!), help in the clinic, or go out to villages and distribute food sometimes. So, we’ll see!
12. Yesterday we checked a kid’s eyes who has just now come to IRIS. He looked 4 years old, had a bloated belly, and had some skin disease. Ben, I thought he was 4! He looked NO older than 4. Well, he’s 10. 10!!! My heart broke. Broke. Broke. These kids… these kids. But, I have hope because he is here now getting the care he needs and he will grow soon! So many kids are SMALL for their age because they haven’t received the care they need.
13. I haven’t met her yet but a new girl came to live at our base Thursday. Heidi said if she didn’t take her in she would’ve been a prostitute the next day. Their stories break my heart. One of the sweet teenage girls walked up to me the other day and said, “Just so you know… Jesus loves you so much!”
14. The Lord is definitely letting me cry a lot more. He is breaking my heart for what breaks His and bring joy to my heart for what brings JOY to His!
15. The cry of my heart is Jeremiah 26:14, “As for me, I am in your hand; do whatever You think is good and proper to you.”
16. Revival has broken out at my church!! I am so excited!!! Alex and I are praying and declaring that it will STILL be in revival when we come home in less than 2 months!! Woo hoo! And yes… I meant what I said. We’re coming home AUGUST 8th now. We moved our flights. We are now graduating on the 6th so the staff said if we weren’t doing an outreach after they’d rather us leave because we have nothing else to do. So, we’re coming home! So thankful and excited. I do love it here but I can’t wait to come home and see everyone! I miss everybody so so much!
17. Last night a big group of us went to a restaurant to eat and watch the World Cup! England and USA were playing. It was so much fun! I’ve never watched a World Cup game but it was actually fun. But the group I was with was really fun! I have really enjoyed getting to know everyone here! There are some awesome people here!
18. Alex and I washed our clothes again. Such an adventure and we took pictures for everyone to see!
19. This Sunday morning was AMAZING! Heidi’s hero, Jackie Pullinger, a missionary from Hong Kong, is here with us this week! She is an AMAZING missionary. At 22 years old she left England and bought a round trip ticket. The Lord told her that He would tell her when to get off. She got off in Hong Kong and moved to the slums. The slums were more like a sewer. No running water, rats as big as cats, and no electricity. She started going around and telling people “Jesus Loves You!”. But then they didn’t know who Jesus was or what love was. So, she had to BECOME Jesus to them! When they were hungry, she gave them her food. When they needed somewhere to sleep, she gave them her bed. When they needed to get out of jail, they called her. Etc. Etc. She knew she needed something more so she went to meet a couple who were filled with the Holy Spirit. She got filled with the Holy Spirit and everything changed for her. She prayed in the Spirit every day. The head gang member started sending guards to Jackie’s house. Jackie told them she didn’t need them but they stayed anywhere. They ended up getting saved were completely free of their addictions(usually heroine) within about an hour. They said when you are trying to get off heroine every bone in your body aches! All they did was pray and their pain went away immediately! Anyway, she has been doing that for years. She is amazing!
After she preached today in church, she called all the women up who have been abused by men, are barren, haven’t had a boy, or their husbands have left them for another woman. Well, TONS and TONS of women came up. Probably like 50-60 women. It was A LOT! Then they called us, the mission school girls, to come pray for these women. We held them as they just sobbed in our laps or on our shoulder. Then Jackie asked one of the pastors to come up and apologize on behalf of any man that has ever abused them. Everyone started crying. Then Jackie asked the men to go repent for ever leaving, abusing, or any sexual sin to any woman. TONS of men went down. It was the most beautiful thing. Then on behalf of all the women, a woman got up and told all the men they forgave them. Healing hit their hearts and it was BEAUTIFUL! My heart just wanted to explode. God is so amazing and I love to see Him move. Words really can’t express how great it was!
20. After church this PRECIOUS little girl came up to me, put her arms out, and gave me this huge smile. I picked her up and she stole my heart! She played with my hair and just couldn’t stop smiling! She blessed my heart so much! Gosh, I love these precious children!
21. The people who went on outreach came back home today! They said they had an AMAZING time! They are just really dirty. Oh Africa!
Oh how I miss each and every one of you! I keep hearing that everyone is reading my blog… people I don’t even know! Oh what a blessing. Thank you so much for your prayers and support and taking time to read this blog. It means so much to me!
What’s all going on in Africa?? Let’s see….
1. I found a cockroach in my shower Friday. So, I killed it! It’s Africa… there are bugs everywhere. It doesn’t faze me anymore.
2. There has been a frog in our toilet.
3. I REALLY hope I remember how to drive when I come home. We were driving in a taxi earlier and the taxi driver switched to the other side of the road(which is the side we drive on in the US) to pass someone else and it felt WEIRD to be the RIGHT side of the road. Haha…
4. It’s currently Saturday afternoon and I haven’t showered since Tuesday… yeah. I mean I’ve washed my feet and face every day but haven’t washed my hair or really showered. Learning to die to self everyday… But there really is like no point because as soon as you get out you sweat and get dirt on you so you’re dirty again! BUT, GOOD NEWS!!! I get to take a shower TOMORROW!!! So, I’ll be clean for church!! I can’t wait!!! Even though it’s COLD, it’ll feel so good. I’m used to cold showers now. They don’t bother me at all!
5. Thursday we had a question and answer session with Heidi. She just sat with us and laughed and cried. She told us we could ask her any question we wanted to know. So, we asked tons. She is so “down to earth”. She has been absolutely precious and just such an awesome woman. She was so real to us. Sarcastic. Funny! And just loving and caring. She really blessed me.
6. Currently she is teaching us twice a week and speaking to us about the spirit of Adoption from Ephesians 2. No one can minister out of an orphan spirit. We are ALL the Lord’s children. HE is our Daddy. We are HIS! Once that seals on us we have a whole new perspective. It’s pretty amazing.
7. A missionary from the Ukraine spoke to us about the 7 separations that Abraham had to go through. One of them being with Issac. Abraham was asked to lay HIS SON on the altar and kill him. He didn’t know God would provide another sacrifice. And after God asked him, he went early the next morning. He didn’t wait and “fast and pray” to make sure he heard God correctly. No, he did it as soon as possible. That’s obedience. Obedience that is better than sacrifice. So, the Lord has been showing me things I need to lay on the altar. Things I need to give Him that maybe he’ll bring them back, maybe He won’t. But in order to become like Him, I must become like Him and He let His one and ONLY Son die in MY place. How worthy is He of my life? This summer will be a process of putting things on the altar. It’s hard. The things He’s asking for aren’t just “tv” and EASY things. They’re HARD. Should I dare ask you this question… What is your Issac? Ask Jesus…. He’ll tell you! Will you be obedient and give it up?
8. Saturday I played with the little kids on base. We’re not allowed to call them orphans… because they’re not. Heidi Baker is their mom (they call her mama aida) and God is their father! Anyway, I went to play with them today. Oh the joy of my heart! They all wanted love and attention. I took lots of pictures… hopefully I can update them to facebook soon! This way each of you will get to see what I look like with no makeup and no shower for oh 5 days. Aren’t you special?? Haha! I had so much fun with them today!
9. One of my friends here had a guy fall on her when he got slain in the spirit and her neck popped, she slipped a disc, and she was in MASSIVE pain… well, me and another girl prayed for her and she got healed!!! I haven’t seen any people raised from the dead, blind eyes or deaf ears opened… YET! It’s coming! I believe! But other healings have happened. A man who couldn’t walk can now walk!
10. I cook for myself every day. I can’t handle the rice and beans or rice and whatever else anymore. The rice and beans are good but just not good for you twice a day. I watched someone scale the fish and slice it up yesterday but I haven’t learned yet!
11. On Friday afternoons I am helping the eye doctor go around to each kid on the base and check their eye sight to see if they need glasses. It’s been a joy! On Friday mornings I can spend 3 hours with the Lord(which I did yesterday and it was AMAZING!!), help in the clinic, or go out to villages and distribute food sometimes. So, we’ll see!
12. Yesterday we checked a kid’s eyes who has just now come to IRIS. He looked 4 years old, had a bloated belly, and had some skin disease. Ben, I thought he was 4! He looked NO older than 4. Well, he’s 10. 10!!! My heart broke. Broke. Broke. These kids… these kids. But, I have hope because he is here now getting the care he needs and he will grow soon! So many kids are SMALL for their age because they haven’t received the care they need.
13. I haven’t met her yet but a new girl came to live at our base Thursday. Heidi said if she didn’t take her in she would’ve been a prostitute the next day. Their stories break my heart. One of the sweet teenage girls walked up to me the other day and said, “Just so you know… Jesus loves you so much!”
14. The Lord is definitely letting me cry a lot more. He is breaking my heart for what breaks His and bring joy to my heart for what brings JOY to His!
15. The cry of my heart is Jeremiah 26:14, “As for me, I am in your hand; do whatever You think is good and proper to you.”
16. Revival has broken out at my church!! I am so excited!!! Alex and I are praying and declaring that it will STILL be in revival when we come home in less than 2 months!! Woo hoo! And yes… I meant what I said. We’re coming home AUGUST 8th now. We moved our flights. We are now graduating on the 6th so the staff said if we weren’t doing an outreach after they’d rather us leave because we have nothing else to do. So, we’re coming home! So thankful and excited. I do love it here but I can’t wait to come home and see everyone! I miss everybody so so much!
17. Last night a big group of us went to a restaurant to eat and watch the World Cup! England and USA were playing. It was so much fun! I’ve never watched a World Cup game but it was actually fun. But the group I was with was really fun! I have really enjoyed getting to know everyone here! There are some awesome people here!
18. Alex and I washed our clothes again. Such an adventure and we took pictures for everyone to see!
19. This Sunday morning was AMAZING! Heidi’s hero, Jackie Pullinger, a missionary from Hong Kong, is here with us this week! She is an AMAZING missionary. At 22 years old she left England and bought a round trip ticket. The Lord told her that He would tell her when to get off. She got off in Hong Kong and moved to the slums. The slums were more like a sewer. No running water, rats as big as cats, and no electricity. She started going around and telling people “Jesus Loves You!”. But then they didn’t know who Jesus was or what love was. So, she had to BECOME Jesus to them! When they were hungry, she gave them her food. When they needed somewhere to sleep, she gave them her bed. When they needed to get out of jail, they called her. Etc. Etc. She knew she needed something more so she went to meet a couple who were filled with the Holy Spirit. She got filled with the Holy Spirit and everything changed for her. She prayed in the Spirit every day. The head gang member started sending guards to Jackie’s house. Jackie told them she didn’t need them but they stayed anywhere. They ended up getting saved were completely free of their addictions(usually heroine) within about an hour. They said when you are trying to get off heroine every bone in your body aches! All they did was pray and their pain went away immediately! Anyway, she has been doing that for years. She is amazing!
After she preached today in church, she called all the women up who have been abused by men, are barren, haven’t had a boy, or their husbands have left them for another woman. Well, TONS and TONS of women came up. Probably like 50-60 women. It was A LOT! Then they called us, the mission school girls, to come pray for these women. We held them as they just sobbed in our laps or on our shoulder. Then Jackie asked one of the pastors to come up and apologize on behalf of any man that has ever abused them. Everyone started crying. Then Jackie asked the men to go repent for ever leaving, abusing, or any sexual sin to any woman. TONS of men went down. It was the most beautiful thing. Then on behalf of all the women, a woman got up and told all the men they forgave them. Healing hit their hearts and it was BEAUTIFUL! My heart just wanted to explode. God is so amazing and I love to see Him move. Words really can’t express how great it was!
20. After church this PRECIOUS little girl came up to me, put her arms out, and gave me this huge smile. I picked her up and she stole my heart! She played with my hair and just couldn’t stop smiling! She blessed my heart so much! Gosh, I love these precious children!
21. The people who went on outreach came back home today! They said they had an AMAZING time! They are just really dirty. Oh Africa!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Oh Africa!
Tuesday-Thursday
Oh my goodness the Lord has been working on my heart. My desire is truly Ezekiel 36 where it says, “Lord remove from me a heart of stone… and then He will put His spirit in me.” I want JESUS’ heart. I DESIRE to see what He sees, to ACT like He does, to HONOR like He does, for my heart to break for what breaks His…that’s my desire. And He is doing that in me. Normally, I don’t cry in worship but lately I have just cried in worship or during a teaching because the Lord’s presence is so heavy on me. He is showing me how MUCH He loves ME. He is revealing so much to me. And He has been doing a lot of healing in my life. He has been showering down His love in my life.
If you don’t know… I dance (ballet) or warfare dance when the Holy Spirit comes upon me. I LOVE dancing unto the Lord. I LOVE it. I do it ALL the time. David danced unto the Lord! Anyways it was prophesied over me many times that I would show the people here how to dance in the spirit. Well, all 130 something students are CRAMMED in a hut for school and worship everyday so there is NO room for me to dance. And I try to go outside and but there are rocks and its not level ground and I have to wear shoes… it’s quite the adventure! I don’t look nearly as graceful here! Hopefully I can find some level ground to dance on soon. But I have a point and it’s this… yesterday I was dancing outside our school hut and I looked over and there were little girls watching me. It brought tears in my eyes. The prophecy was starting to come true. They have probably never seen ballet. Jesus is so sweet.
A friend and I are going to paint a mural in the kid’s library here. I am so excited about it! Can’t wait!
I’ve become and pro at washing my clothes by hand. Don’t worry…when I come home I’m definitely still going to use a washer though!
A few of us got to sit down with Will Hart yesterday. It was so awesome. It’s awesome to get to know these people and realize that they are ordinary. There is nothing extra special about them. They’re just people who LOVE Jesus and desire to do ANYTHING the Lord calls them to do. They’re just laid down Lovers of their King!
It’s been SO hot here the last few days. The missionaries have said it feels like their summer(October-December). So we all just sweat a lot because there are is no air condition or fans.
Sorry I haven’t been on the internet lately. It’s been down but it’s Africa… I will get on as much as possible!
There are two teams going out on outreach to spend 4 days in the village today. Please be praying for them! Pray the Lord would show them so much and His glory would FALL!
“Jesus, with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness known through all generations.” Psalm 89:1
Hope all of you is doing well!
-emm
Also, thank you all for being so faithful and reading! That makes me feel so special! I am so blessed!
Oh my goodness the Lord has been working on my heart. My desire is truly Ezekiel 36 where it says, “Lord remove from me a heart of stone… and then He will put His spirit in me.” I want JESUS’ heart. I DESIRE to see what He sees, to ACT like He does, to HONOR like He does, for my heart to break for what breaks His…that’s my desire. And He is doing that in me. Normally, I don’t cry in worship but lately I have just cried in worship or during a teaching because the Lord’s presence is so heavy on me. He is showing me how MUCH He loves ME. He is revealing so much to me. And He has been doing a lot of healing in my life. He has been showering down His love in my life.
If you don’t know… I dance (ballet) or warfare dance when the Holy Spirit comes upon me. I LOVE dancing unto the Lord. I LOVE it. I do it ALL the time. David danced unto the Lord! Anyways it was prophesied over me many times that I would show the people here how to dance in the spirit. Well, all 130 something students are CRAMMED in a hut for school and worship everyday so there is NO room for me to dance. And I try to go outside and but there are rocks and its not level ground and I have to wear shoes… it’s quite the adventure! I don’t look nearly as graceful here! Hopefully I can find some level ground to dance on soon. But I have a point and it’s this… yesterday I was dancing outside our school hut and I looked over and there were little girls watching me. It brought tears in my eyes. The prophecy was starting to come true. They have probably never seen ballet. Jesus is so sweet.
A friend and I are going to paint a mural in the kid’s library here. I am so excited about it! Can’t wait!
I’ve become and pro at washing my clothes by hand. Don’t worry…when I come home I’m definitely still going to use a washer though!
A few of us got to sit down with Will Hart yesterday. It was so awesome. It’s awesome to get to know these people and realize that they are ordinary. There is nothing extra special about them. They’re just people who LOVE Jesus and desire to do ANYTHING the Lord calls them to do. They’re just laid down Lovers of their King!
It’s been SO hot here the last few days. The missionaries have said it feels like their summer(October-December). So we all just sweat a lot because there are is no air condition or fans.
Sorry I haven’t been on the internet lately. It’s been down but it’s Africa… I will get on as much as possible!
There are two teams going out on outreach to spend 4 days in the village today. Please be praying for them! Pray the Lord would show them so much and His glory would FALL!
“Jesus, with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness known through all generations.” Psalm 89:1
Hope all of you is doing well!
-emm
Also, thank you all for being so faithful and reading! That makes me feel so special! I am so blessed!
Monday, June 7, 2010
the weekend..
Saturday-
Guess what I did today? I washed my own clothes by hand! Hahaha. Alex and I filled buckets up with water.. one for rinsing and one for washing. We put the detergent in the washing one and “went to town.” We had an assembly line and then we hung our clothes out on the line. It took about an hour and 30 minutes and our clothes dried in about 2 ½ hours. It wasn’t too bad. That’s one adventure I can say I’ve done now. Oh Africa!
Sunday-
This morning at church we walked in and Heidi called all the sick people to the front and then asked the Harvest School to pray for them. I got to pray over a blind man and I believe his sight will be restored before I leave here. He has sight and heaven and we are supposed to bring heaven to earth. A man with a headache, man with horrible knee pain, and a man who couldn’t walk all got healed yesterday. Rolland Baker preached. He is hilarious and I definitely know why his nickname is “tiger”. He is awesome! After church we had rice and beans…. Side note. I can’t eat rice and beans or rice anymore. TOO MUCH starch for my body. Ugh. So, now I’m sticking to vegetables and fruit and then snacks… and occasionally going out to eat. I’ll eat rice and beans a couple times a week but no more. Can’t do that to my body!
After lunch and church a few of us played cards, went to the beach, and just hung out. When we went to the beach Laura, Lauren, and I got in the water and played with the village kids. We made up a fun little game with them. They LOVED it. It’s such a joy to see these village kids get so excited about a beach… even though they see it every day. Saturday/Sunday is wash day. Everyone comes and gets a bath in the beach. Kids are naked or just have their underwear on. But it’s a day when kids can laugh, play, and have fun. It’s a “break” for them. So many kids take care of someone older than them who is disabled or take care of so many children and they never get a childhood.
The staff set up an outside movie for us and we saw Furious Love. A lot of people in the mission school had never seen it.
Monday-
On Mondays in school we have cross cultural classes which means we get a sermon in 3 different languages-English, Portuguese, and Makuwa. There is a lot of “Africa Aerobics”(dancing) and then Heidi speaks to us. Today Ben Dunn, a great worship leader/songwriter, is coming. He will be here all week with us. I’m also going into town today.
It’s kind of been a boring weekend… not much going on. It’s been relaxing. Thank you to everyone who has been keeping up with my blog. Love each one of you. Jesus is our Hope, our Glory, Prince of Peace, Love, King, Savior, and Joy.
Guess what I did today? I washed my own clothes by hand! Hahaha. Alex and I filled buckets up with water.. one for rinsing and one for washing. We put the detergent in the washing one and “went to town.” We had an assembly line and then we hung our clothes out on the line. It took about an hour and 30 minutes and our clothes dried in about 2 ½ hours. It wasn’t too bad. That’s one adventure I can say I’ve done now. Oh Africa!
Sunday-
This morning at church we walked in and Heidi called all the sick people to the front and then asked the Harvest School to pray for them. I got to pray over a blind man and I believe his sight will be restored before I leave here. He has sight and heaven and we are supposed to bring heaven to earth. A man with a headache, man with horrible knee pain, and a man who couldn’t walk all got healed yesterday. Rolland Baker preached. He is hilarious and I definitely know why his nickname is “tiger”. He is awesome! After church we had rice and beans…. Side note. I can’t eat rice and beans or rice anymore. TOO MUCH starch for my body. Ugh. So, now I’m sticking to vegetables and fruit and then snacks… and occasionally going out to eat. I’ll eat rice and beans a couple times a week but no more. Can’t do that to my body!
After lunch and church a few of us played cards, went to the beach, and just hung out. When we went to the beach Laura, Lauren, and I got in the water and played with the village kids. We made up a fun little game with them. They LOVED it. It’s such a joy to see these village kids get so excited about a beach… even though they see it every day. Saturday/Sunday is wash day. Everyone comes and gets a bath in the beach. Kids are naked or just have their underwear on. But it’s a day when kids can laugh, play, and have fun. It’s a “break” for them. So many kids take care of someone older than them who is disabled or take care of so many children and they never get a childhood.
The staff set up an outside movie for us and we saw Furious Love. A lot of people in the mission school had never seen it.
Monday-
On Mondays in school we have cross cultural classes which means we get a sermon in 3 different languages-English, Portuguese, and Makuwa. There is a lot of “Africa Aerobics”(dancing) and then Heidi speaks to us. Today Ben Dunn, a great worship leader/songwriter, is coming. He will be here all week with us. I’m also going into town today.
It’s kind of been a boring weekend… not much going on. It’s been relaxing. Thank you to everyone who has been keeping up with my blog. Love each one of you. Jesus is our Hope, our Glory, Prince of Peace, Love, King, Savior, and Joy.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Ahhh... africa!
Tuesday-
Its 6 am I am just sitting here with the Lord on my back porch. I’ve been awake since 4:45 and it feels so wonderful here in the mornings. It’s probably 70 degrees, no humidity, and watching the sun come up and Africa awaken is beautiful. I have been waking up every morning for the past few days at 4:45 or 4:50. It’s the craziest thing. I NEVER thought I’d be wide awake at 4:45 and in bed asleep at 10 pm. Haha so crazy! But, I actually love it. I love getting up early in the morning and spending time with the Lord and doing everything I need to do before my busy day starts at 8 am. Yesterday morning we had a meeting with pastors and ladies from villages. Heidi spoke and it was just beautiful. There are so many things to learn from her. We got to hear her preach in 3 different languages so that was interesting! Then I got to pray for a precious village woman. She lit up when I grabbed her hand to pray for her. She just smiled and smiled and hugged me extra tight when I left. Even though we don’t speak the same language…. Love is a language and it’s something both of us understand and have. I will never forget that precious woman.
Also, I got to get on facebook and talk to my parents and little brother yesterday. Even though I cried the entire time I talked to people, it helped! It was SO wonderful hearing my family’s voice. Oh how I miss them so much. One thing the Lord is teaching me is the importance of family. I have always loved my family and have such a special relationship with them. But, as a missionary, family is one of the most important things. No matter where I am in the world my family LOVES and MISSES me. They care about me and they will be praying for me. When I come home, I will fit right back and their lives and nothing will have changed. They support me and I am so thankful for that. They love me and I love them too. The Lord is also teaching me how to love HIM more than anything or anyone else. I am learning what it’s like to completely surrender AL L, take up my cross, and follow Him to the ends of the earth. It’s not an easy thing… and it might take 2 months to fully grasp. But I am on a journey to get there.
Today is children’s day! It’s a holiday! The whole city shuts down and about 3000-4000 children will be coming to base today and we are going to feed them and have fun with them. Also, that means we get CHICKEN today! AND we get it TOMORROW!!! Praise Jesus!!! If you don’t know me, I basically live off chicken and I am so excited about having some today… in a few hours! Yippee!
I learned how to take stitches out yesterday! Can’t wait to be a nurse.
Since I have been waking up at 4:45 or 4:50 lately I decided maybe the Lord was trying to teach me something. So, I looked up all the verses in the bible from each book at verse 4:45, 4:50, 44:5. And I found nothing. BUT then I went to Isaiah and read chapter 44 and 45. The Lord is so sweet. My prayer for each one of you reading this is you grasp just how MUCH the Lord LOVES you. YOU are His beloved. YOU! How beautiful!
Yesterday, I bought a cell phone, went to the market, and to the grocery store. Now I have yummy oranges, pineapple, cucumbers, and bananas. Their bananas here are green and very tiny but they are so so good! I hear they have some good mangos but I have yet to find them. The internet here is so weird. Sometimes we have it, sometimes we don’t. So HOPEFULLY we can get on once a week! Also, alex and I are praying that we can get a USB drive here that hooks up to our computer and we can get internet once we pay for minutes. That would be awesome! They should come in with them next week. Praise Jesus!
Well, I’m off to make 3000 bags of candy for kids
Children’s day was AWESOME!!! First we got CHICKEN… yummy chicken. THEN, we got to feed over 3000 children. Heidi came and gave gifts to all of her ministry kids and then the 3000 children were village children who had walked from all over to be here. Such a special thing! Some kids walked for hours just to be here today. My friend Laura and I took a walk on the beach and got in the Indian ocean for a bit. Side note #1… I live with so many different cultures and people therefore I am picking up so many things… british, Laura’s sayings, Portuguese, etc. haha. Side note #2… I’ve now swam in the Indian, Pacific, and Atlantic Oceans, Mediterranean Sea, and the Gulf. That is something I’ve always wanted to do and now it’s done. Check off my list! So… back to the day. When we got back on Base Laura and I started to just love on these village kids. They are so so so precious! They surely stole my heart! I was made to love on children FOREVER!!!
I love how sweet Jesus is. He provided money to feed over 3500 children. WOAH! He just loves those starving kids! After Laura and I play with some of the kiddos we went and stood in their assembly line and just blessed and prayed over each child. We felt that was what the Lord wanted us to do… and seriously it was one of the best blessings to ME ever. Some of the children had hair that was starting to turn orange and I just started to tear up when I saw them because that meant they were starving. This was their first meal and who knows how long. Yeah, I definitely started to tear up. My prayer is that the Lord would give me HIS heart for these kids.
Laura and I also prayed for Heidi Baker’s son. He was AWESOME. We asked if we could pray over him and as soon as we put our hands on his shoulder he was out. It was AMAZING. We prayed over him for awhile. Jesus has some spectacular plans for that boy’s life. It was blowing me away. Then he sat and encouraged us.
I am so enjoying cleaning and taking care of laura’s face(she got attacked by a bulldog a little over a week ago and she had to have 21 stitches put in her face.) I can’t wait to be a nurse!!!!
Some friends and I went to eat out at a nice restaurant. I had been craving fried chicken and French fries all day so when I saw that on the menu I got excited! Although, it was ok.. it didn’t “hit the spot”! haha! It needed some mustard! Oh well, it was something other than rice and beans!
Laura and I also took a walk on the beach yesterday. The Indian Ocean is seriously one of THE MOST beautiful things. It’s gorgeous. Breathtaking. perfect! I am so thankful its just right across the road from me!
Wednesday
Today was our first official day of school. We got to hear some of our precious leaders “love” story and the journey the Lord has brought them through. I really adore this couple. They are from Australia and just so so sweet. I love that they know me by name and just love on me. They are a sweet couple that just truly shows Christ love in their marriage. Sarah, the wife said some pretty amazing things while she taught. I will share them later.
After Sarah and her husband spoke, WILL HART who produced FURIOUS LOVE spoke to us!!! Woah!!! He is an AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING preacher! He rocked my world for sure! Alex recorded it and now it’s on my computer so anyone that wants to hear it can. We are recording every sermon and almost every prophecy over us. Yippee! He also said some pretty powerful stuff. Then, he prophesied over me. WOAH Jesus!! Then Sarah prophesied over me. WOAH again.
A bit of what Will said was… “God I impart all signs, wonders, miracles, and healings into her. You will perform these things because the Lord has imparted them in you!” I get chills every time I think about it. YES, JESUS!!!
Sarah- This summer you will have wells and wells of revelation. He is going to give you these WELLS of revelation so that you can draw from them the rest of your life. You have made room for Him so now He will pour out His glory beyond measure. Beyond measure Emily! The foundation is there and now He’s ready to build upon it. Shaba!
We have “color groups” in the school but are also matched up with a group of pastors from the country. They are an amazing group of men. They have raised the dead. They have seen Jesus. Some of them have been raised from the dead. I have a feeling they will rock my world with stories. They will go on outreach with us to the villages. We played games with them tonight to get to know them better. Then we had a chicken feast! Yes, that’s right… CHICKEN! And they grilled it. They GRILLED it. It was simply AMAZING. ahhh… a little taste of home. (PS dad, I really miss your grilled chicken. And Jamie… I would LOVE some chicken wings right now!) And grace, I dreamed last night we went to eat bbq together. I need to quit thinking about good food!
Some of the village kids have seriously just stolen my heart. They hang out here during the day and I’ve just fallen for them. They are so precious! One day this week I am going to go hold babies and get to know the teenage girls. (to the youth girls back home… I will tell these girls all about you!)
Prayer request—I have a sore throat and I am exhausted. PLEASE be praying I will not get sick! I keep rebuking sickness is Jesus name!
Thursday-
I got to take a shower this morning!!!! Seriously, I was so excited! I now feel as clean as I can be for Africa. I haven’t taken a shower since Monday. We are supposed to take a shower as little as possible! Since it feels good outside right now maybe my hair can actually DRY and not get halfway dry then I start sweating,.. oh Africa!
Let me share a funny story… so we get a roll every morning for breakfast and sometimes there is a bug in it. Well, a lot of the girls won’t eat it if there is a bug in it. My response is, “Oh it’s a little protein! It won’t kill you! Just take it out.” Hahaha. It’s Africa. There are bugs everywhere. This is the food we get in the morning so we need to eat it. (if you know me this story will make you laugh because normally I am a clean freak and don’t do dirty… )
Have a great day! Miss you! Love you! Praying for you!
I want to leave you with a few awesome quotes I’ve heard lately or Jesus has taught me…
*Do you know why you were created? If you don’t then you can’t carry out your plan. You were created to be LOVED by your Creator. He created YOU so He could LOVE on you. YOU were MADE for LOVE! YOU are SPECIAL!!! In that love there is no striving. There is nothing you can do that can earn more of His love for you. John 15:15 says, “I call you friend.” Not a servant, but a FRIEND. As a servant there is striving and there is always fear that “if you don’t do good enough” you will be let go but that is not how Jesus looks at you. He calls you friend. He will never leave or forsake you. He LOVES you. He says draw closer and there we find FREEDOM!!!
*SAME spirit that raised Christ from the DEAD lives in ME!!!! And I will do GREATER.
*As you walk in the Kingdom of God, satan FALLS
*In Luke 10 it talks about the disciples going and when they came back they were filled with joy. But get this satan FELL because they WENT. As I(you) go, full of HIM, satan WILL fall!!
*”Do whatever you want in me, Jesus, so that you can do whatever you want to do through me!”
*The yeses’ that cost you now will bear fruit in the next season
*John 20:29…. Power of our testimony is spirit of prophecy. When we receive others testimony, we receive the grace to let it happen to us. When judgement is lifted, He can do whatever He wants in you. ALL disciples had been unbelieving. Be careful not to look at others and say, “God isn’t touching me like that. He must love them more. Etc. etc.” God comes in different ways to each one of us. Blessed are you when you believe and haven’t seen. Walk in faith in that place and believe without seeing.
*Always be open and ready for Him to move, whatever that looks like!
Its 6 am I am just sitting here with the Lord on my back porch. I’ve been awake since 4:45 and it feels so wonderful here in the mornings. It’s probably 70 degrees, no humidity, and watching the sun come up and Africa awaken is beautiful. I have been waking up every morning for the past few days at 4:45 or 4:50. It’s the craziest thing. I NEVER thought I’d be wide awake at 4:45 and in bed asleep at 10 pm. Haha so crazy! But, I actually love it. I love getting up early in the morning and spending time with the Lord and doing everything I need to do before my busy day starts at 8 am. Yesterday morning we had a meeting with pastors and ladies from villages. Heidi spoke and it was just beautiful. There are so many things to learn from her. We got to hear her preach in 3 different languages so that was interesting! Then I got to pray for a precious village woman. She lit up when I grabbed her hand to pray for her. She just smiled and smiled and hugged me extra tight when I left. Even though we don’t speak the same language…. Love is a language and it’s something both of us understand and have. I will never forget that precious woman.
Also, I got to get on facebook and talk to my parents and little brother yesterday. Even though I cried the entire time I talked to people, it helped! It was SO wonderful hearing my family’s voice. Oh how I miss them so much. One thing the Lord is teaching me is the importance of family. I have always loved my family and have such a special relationship with them. But, as a missionary, family is one of the most important things. No matter where I am in the world my family LOVES and MISSES me. They care about me and they will be praying for me. When I come home, I will fit right back and their lives and nothing will have changed. They support me and I am so thankful for that. They love me and I love them too. The Lord is also teaching me how to love HIM more than anything or anyone else. I am learning what it’s like to completely surrender AL L, take up my cross, and follow Him to the ends of the earth. It’s not an easy thing… and it might take 2 months to fully grasp. But I am on a journey to get there.
Today is children’s day! It’s a holiday! The whole city shuts down and about 3000-4000 children will be coming to base today and we are going to feed them and have fun with them. Also, that means we get CHICKEN today! AND we get it TOMORROW!!! Praise Jesus!!! If you don’t know me, I basically live off chicken and I am so excited about having some today… in a few hours! Yippee!
I learned how to take stitches out yesterday! Can’t wait to be a nurse.
Since I have been waking up at 4:45 or 4:50 lately I decided maybe the Lord was trying to teach me something. So, I looked up all the verses in the bible from each book at verse 4:45, 4:50, 44:5. And I found nothing. BUT then I went to Isaiah and read chapter 44 and 45. The Lord is so sweet. My prayer for each one of you reading this is you grasp just how MUCH the Lord LOVES you. YOU are His beloved. YOU! How beautiful!
Yesterday, I bought a cell phone, went to the market, and to the grocery store. Now I have yummy oranges, pineapple, cucumbers, and bananas. Their bananas here are green and very tiny but they are so so good! I hear they have some good mangos but I have yet to find them. The internet here is so weird. Sometimes we have it, sometimes we don’t. So HOPEFULLY we can get on once a week! Also, alex and I are praying that we can get a USB drive here that hooks up to our computer and we can get internet once we pay for minutes. That would be awesome! They should come in with them next week. Praise Jesus!
Well, I’m off to make 3000 bags of candy for kids
Children’s day was AWESOME!!! First we got CHICKEN… yummy chicken. THEN, we got to feed over 3000 children. Heidi came and gave gifts to all of her ministry kids and then the 3000 children were village children who had walked from all over to be here. Such a special thing! Some kids walked for hours just to be here today. My friend Laura and I took a walk on the beach and got in the Indian ocean for a bit. Side note #1… I live with so many different cultures and people therefore I am picking up so many things… british, Laura’s sayings, Portuguese, etc. haha. Side note #2… I’ve now swam in the Indian, Pacific, and Atlantic Oceans, Mediterranean Sea, and the Gulf. That is something I’ve always wanted to do and now it’s done. Check off my list! So… back to the day. When we got back on Base Laura and I started to just love on these village kids. They are so so so precious! They surely stole my heart! I was made to love on children FOREVER!!!
I love how sweet Jesus is. He provided money to feed over 3500 children. WOAH! He just loves those starving kids! After Laura and I play with some of the kiddos we went and stood in their assembly line and just blessed and prayed over each child. We felt that was what the Lord wanted us to do… and seriously it was one of the best blessings to ME ever. Some of the children had hair that was starting to turn orange and I just started to tear up when I saw them because that meant they were starving. This was their first meal and who knows how long. Yeah, I definitely started to tear up. My prayer is that the Lord would give me HIS heart for these kids.
Laura and I also prayed for Heidi Baker’s son. He was AWESOME. We asked if we could pray over him and as soon as we put our hands on his shoulder he was out. It was AMAZING. We prayed over him for awhile. Jesus has some spectacular plans for that boy’s life. It was blowing me away. Then he sat and encouraged us.
I am so enjoying cleaning and taking care of laura’s face(she got attacked by a bulldog a little over a week ago and she had to have 21 stitches put in her face.) I can’t wait to be a nurse!!!!
Some friends and I went to eat out at a nice restaurant. I had been craving fried chicken and French fries all day so when I saw that on the menu I got excited! Although, it was ok.. it didn’t “hit the spot”! haha! It needed some mustard! Oh well, it was something other than rice and beans!
Laura and I also took a walk on the beach yesterday. The Indian Ocean is seriously one of THE MOST beautiful things. It’s gorgeous. Breathtaking. perfect! I am so thankful its just right across the road from me!
Wednesday
Today was our first official day of school. We got to hear some of our precious leaders “love” story and the journey the Lord has brought them through. I really adore this couple. They are from Australia and just so so sweet. I love that they know me by name and just love on me. They are a sweet couple that just truly shows Christ love in their marriage. Sarah, the wife said some pretty amazing things while she taught. I will share them later.
After Sarah and her husband spoke, WILL HART who produced FURIOUS LOVE spoke to us!!! Woah!!! He is an AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING preacher! He rocked my world for sure! Alex recorded it and now it’s on my computer so anyone that wants to hear it can. We are recording every sermon and almost every prophecy over us. Yippee! He also said some pretty powerful stuff. Then, he prophesied over me. WOAH Jesus!! Then Sarah prophesied over me. WOAH again.
A bit of what Will said was… “God I impart all signs, wonders, miracles, and healings into her. You will perform these things because the Lord has imparted them in you!” I get chills every time I think about it. YES, JESUS!!!
Sarah- This summer you will have wells and wells of revelation. He is going to give you these WELLS of revelation so that you can draw from them the rest of your life. You have made room for Him so now He will pour out His glory beyond measure. Beyond measure Emily! The foundation is there and now He’s ready to build upon it. Shaba!
We have “color groups” in the school but are also matched up with a group of pastors from the country. They are an amazing group of men. They have raised the dead. They have seen Jesus. Some of them have been raised from the dead. I have a feeling they will rock my world with stories. They will go on outreach with us to the villages. We played games with them tonight to get to know them better. Then we had a chicken feast! Yes, that’s right… CHICKEN! And they grilled it. They GRILLED it. It was simply AMAZING. ahhh… a little taste of home. (PS dad, I really miss your grilled chicken. And Jamie… I would LOVE some chicken wings right now!) And grace, I dreamed last night we went to eat bbq together. I need to quit thinking about good food!
Some of the village kids have seriously just stolen my heart. They hang out here during the day and I’ve just fallen for them. They are so precious! One day this week I am going to go hold babies and get to know the teenage girls. (to the youth girls back home… I will tell these girls all about you!)
Prayer request—I have a sore throat and I am exhausted. PLEASE be praying I will not get sick! I keep rebuking sickness is Jesus name!
Thursday-
I got to take a shower this morning!!!! Seriously, I was so excited! I now feel as clean as I can be for Africa. I haven’t taken a shower since Monday. We are supposed to take a shower as little as possible! Since it feels good outside right now maybe my hair can actually DRY and not get halfway dry then I start sweating,.. oh Africa!
Let me share a funny story… so we get a roll every morning for breakfast and sometimes there is a bug in it. Well, a lot of the girls won’t eat it if there is a bug in it. My response is, “Oh it’s a little protein! It won’t kill you! Just take it out.” Hahaha. It’s Africa. There are bugs everywhere. This is the food we get in the morning so we need to eat it. (if you know me this story will make you laugh because normally I am a clean freak and don’t do dirty… )
Have a great day! Miss you! Love you! Praying for you!
I want to leave you with a few awesome quotes I’ve heard lately or Jesus has taught me…
*Do you know why you were created? If you don’t then you can’t carry out your plan. You were created to be LOVED by your Creator. He created YOU so He could LOVE on you. YOU were MADE for LOVE! YOU are SPECIAL!!! In that love there is no striving. There is nothing you can do that can earn more of His love for you. John 15:15 says, “I call you friend.” Not a servant, but a FRIEND. As a servant there is striving and there is always fear that “if you don’t do good enough” you will be let go but that is not how Jesus looks at you. He calls you friend. He will never leave or forsake you. He LOVES you. He says draw closer and there we find FREEDOM!!!
*SAME spirit that raised Christ from the DEAD lives in ME!!!! And I will do GREATER.
*As you walk in the Kingdom of God, satan FALLS
*In Luke 10 it talks about the disciples going and when they came back they were filled with joy. But get this satan FELL because they WENT. As I(you) go, full of HIM, satan WILL fall!!
*”Do whatever you want in me, Jesus, so that you can do whatever you want to do through me!”
*The yeses’ that cost you now will bear fruit in the next season
*John 20:29…. Power of our testimony is spirit of prophecy. When we receive others testimony, we receive the grace to let it happen to us. When judgement is lifted, He can do whatever He wants in you. ALL disciples had been unbelieving. Be careful not to look at others and say, “God isn’t touching me like that. He must love them more. Etc. etc.” God comes in different ways to each one of us. Blessed are you when you believe and haven’t seen. Walk in faith in that place and believe without seeing.
*Always be open and ready for Him to move, whatever that looks like!
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